Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Missed Connection

It's been a great week so far. Relaxed and I am enjoying being rid of my cold/flu. Yuck. I'll admit, I can't just say cold because it doesn't express the full distress of being sick. It's too plain, it's not painful enough! So, anyway, I'm glad to be feeling well again plus it got to 70+ degrees today. Nice. I'm tired of cold, especially on my Mom's behalf, because she doesn't tolerate it very well and she smokes outside. She's fine during the summer with the Texas heat.
I finished my TRUST LO - pic added. On the CE Yahoo board someone mentioned a cruise with Tim Holtz, which actually doesn't happen until 2008. I've looked at the August 2007 cruise with Sweetpeas and Snapshots and I am seriously thinking about going now. I feel pretty indulgent and a bit selfish if I book it - that's really the only thing stopping me. I can scrape the money together - it's not that expensive. DeWayne and I were trying to do an Alaskan cruise last year but it was too late. So what's not to love about scrapping and Alaska? It would at least keep me out of the casino for the most part! I don't know anyone else going but what the hell - there's got to be somebody I would connect with! I'll think about it over the next couple of days.

I've been thinking and talking with friends quite a bit about my disconnect with health and weight and working out. Hear me out. There is some kind of emotional issue that is stopping me from making the mind connection with my actions. Remember when you were 16 and you took chances - whether it was driving fast, drinking or drugs but you did it because you knew you wouldn't die young. That just didn't apply to you. Well, I have some health habits that in my mind, I know will result in not living longer, but I cannot stop doing them. And I don't think it's an issue of willpower or just making my mind up - there is something that stops me from getting off the couch and walking those 10 steps to the treadmill. In the past, I've realized that I use my size to protect myself. I feel stronger and more in control because I am larger. Same way I drive my Tahoe (I will admit it) rather than in a Corolla. People use their SUVs to make space - especially in Houston, especially in the Galleria area! It's a whole different world over there. Well, I'm pretty sure I do that with my body - I feel safer being bigger. Logically, I know that an attack/rape is more likely to happen to a girl in her twenties at an apartment complex and that's not me. It's an old fear that I want to weed out. (Is this WAY too deep for a blog?) I have some other old issues that I need to deal with and I think the time is now. If not now, when? I want to study this issue and ponder it and blog it and scrap it and get it worked out in my mind so that the end result is that I eat healthier and more in tune to being hungry. I move my body more so it doesn't ache like it does now. I want to be limber so it doesn't hurt all over when I stand up. I want to feel powerful because I work out. I don't want to be afraid of heart attacks because I get these racing flutters too frequently. I want to be proud at 50 and I don't want to feel 50. That's my goal for this year, for the rest of my 49th year. I think its also going to be my AYTR challenge. I know, I'm late but what the hell. It is what it is.

I'm looking forward to the weekend... I don't have anything planned. I may go up to the Woodlands on Saturday and shop at their mall (which I LOVE) and Lone Star Scrapbook and maybe the outdoor mall there with Sur LaTable, since I got a gift card from there for Christmas!

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